The Invisible Mother

THE INVISIBLE MOTHER
Author: Anonymous

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?, What's for dinner?'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

Marriage: I

My thoughts on marriage continue. And, honestly, am I credible? I desperately need the wisdom of OUR FATHER to reign down on me. Sometimes I can only grasp at thoughts like strings trying to get the Spirit to "move me" like I feel He ought to. Then I realize that I (Joy, wife, spouse) have made a commitment in the flesh to fulfill THROUGH the Holy Spirit. And, I need to be obedient to God's calling on my life, my marriage.
I truly cannot speak for those who feel they were somehow forced or trapped in a marriage and never saw abuse coming. I can only speak to those attempting to remain happy. Am I to call this advice I am about to dispense "wisdom"? I really shouldn't. I just hope these precious thoughts take hold of anyone reading this blog (this early in the morning) and stir the soul. May God have all the glory!
I love my dear husband, and we are verging on four years of marriage! It is amazing. Here come the cliches! The time sure has flown by, time flies when you're having fun, love is being married to your best friend.
Yes, those statements have proven true for me, to God's grace.
What I am most troubled about (admittedly) after nearly four years of marriage is how I am stacking up as a wife against the ONE standard that truly matters. I hate to admit (literally, so upset) that I have to admit that I have found my post-baby, four years into marriage-self, saying things I never thought I'd say!! I'm easily angered, short-tempered, lacking patience, always treating my husband as though he is so incompetent. And, we argue. I'll be in the car waiting with a crabby baby and all these horrible thoughts course through my head: "Of course, he's doing this on purpose, he's making me wait, he can't find what he's looking for, doesn't he understand, he's seriously making a phone call when he MUST know I'm waiting with this crying child..." Maybe I'll find myself on a different planet than all other moms, but hopefully I'm not alone out there! Of course romance dies when these thoughts take us captive, when the enemy has his full pleasure of our mind and actions. Satan is THEE grave digger. One by one marriages fall into these traps, and ultimately, succumb into his death trap. This is reality.

But, who is for us?

Let's clear the air--it's not the major issues that crack foundations of marriages--in my opinion. And, Clint and I are happy in our marriage. We are committed. We love because He first loved us. Truthfully, we could love even better though. It's not that God's standard is so high it's unattainable. He's at the door, knocking, and we need to get to the place where his vision becomes reality.

God is for us.

To me, the daily grinding of unfulfilled expectations and unresolved desires bear down so heavily on couples that it forcibly chokes out all those loving feelings. The problem is, we remember so well. At least I do! Irritation and remembrance are often best friends. And a loose tongue whips like a hurricane, unstoppable. Unforgiveness is the knock out punch.

Yes, sometimes things so small like having my husband home on time or feeding an entire meal to baby (including cleaning the floor and tray and bib) w/o my aide, can push me over the edge to near insanity! I never thought I'd become "that" wife. Yet, I can literally see my heart shrinking when these words fly out of my mouth. Grinch. I give that caddy laugh and glaze it over with excuses. "Oh, I'm just tired today--don't have much patience because the baby has been crabby..." Excuses are like the air I breathe, automatic, happening without conscious thought. We both have our excuses, we both have our new buttons that we can push after having our baby, and we both are responsible for our marriage. The message I cannot escape from the Spirit is that I [QUITE LITERALLY] am the ONE person responsible to love this ONE person for his ONE lifetime by the power of ONE GOD.

I could focus my entire life worrying and fretting over all of my husband's faults. A lifetime can be wasted being angry about a person you cannot change. Waiting on the defensive every single day for the attack--the opportunities to justify misery with misery. To laugh in the face of "Take the log out of your own eye before pointing out the needle in your neighbor's/spouse's..." Cynicism is the tool of the lazy thinker, as I've stated before. And, why would I want my husband to think of me as a cynic, or as an angry, bitter woman, as anything other than a LOVER. We veer dangerously close to the line where we think that our spouses must meet our standards, expectations--deserve our love--and can't offer an ounce of affection unless they "shape up". That was never in my marriage vows. They are printed, framed, in our hallway. It never said anything that resembled "deserving".

Today I am asking God for forgiveness. God, help me love my husband because you love him, marriage is a gift, our daughter will pattern everything in her life after us, and I have lived in the "must deserve love" camp for so long it's far more than an acquaintance. Where is the reality in this? It's truly in knowing God and His love through His Son Jesus, and letting that be known in relationships. We have to quit saying "sure, God loves us...but he doesn't know my spouse". Transformation. For the people Jesus met with, it was almost immediate every time. What legacy do I want to leave in my spouse's mind? I want a message written on Clint's heart. Love keeps no record of wrongs, love rejoices in the truth, love never ends.

Marriage Matters

My husband and I have taken turns falling asleep almost immediately after our energizer baby falls asleep, thus leaving one of us wide awake with the other one snoozing away in bed before the sunset! Tonight, it's my turn to be bright-eyed. That's okay because there's a storm brewing, and I still have laundry to finish, and the dishwasher to start! When Jaz only sleeps 30 minutes a day, we both tire quickly and often dash off to bed once she goes to bed.
So, the point of this blog: I've been waiting with this "message" on my heart for months now. God's been percolating these ideas in my soul. I feel I have to write this for so many reasons (mainly because these thoughts are suffocating me) and I need to wrestle with the resolved issues in my soul.

.Marriage matters.

Christian or not, can we agree upon this? The thought that I cannot escape is how the enemy is creeping upon the landscape, into the monogamy camp, and attacking like a roaring lion. It honestly seems like week after week I hear of another broken marriage, couples arguing, unrest, divorce on the horizon, discontentment. Call it what you will, it's no surprise to anyone anymore to hear about another divorce in our culture. It's acceptable, unsurprising, dare I say expected? What I am here to write about though is those couples that CHOOSE Christ's battle of monogamy, matrimony, till death do us part...
I had always dreamed of getting married. My life seems to have followed the natural course of the prodigal daughter, the born again Christian, the young wife, and the new mother. I am going on 4 years of marriage to God's glory, and I have a 17 month old daughter. My life with my husband is usual. I would say ordinary. I would call it blessed.
Right now in my life I wrestle, daily, with the question of how to REMAIN happy. John 15 is resounding in my ear; Jesus spoke about remaining. There is marriage counseling often times before a wedding and age-old advice dispensed to newlyweds. People gift the young lovebirds with books and well wishes for "happily ever afters" and send them on their way. Many couples wind up following a very predictable life path (provided nothing unforeseen happens). Really, who sets up young, newly married couples with the real idea that marriage can be plain difficult? The person who wooed you once upon a time, now quite shockingly, has faults, has a different upbringing, goes to the bathroom, wakes up with morning breath, leaves drips on the sink, can't or woke cook, has strange gastrointestinal issues(!), chooses to argue in a completely unfair way (not that you ever do this), and quite frankly....that loving feeling gets lost. Don't even get me started on the trash that is on TV that so demoralizes and trivializes and temps people out of marriage!!! We are plagued in this country by thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.
And, worst of all is me sitting and thinking, as I have before, that I am immune to all of this. We don't have TV, my parents are extremely happily married, we don't have histories of divorce in our family.
I ponder how to remain happy in this marriage that is going to last, in God's eyes, forever. When my husband and I took our vows (before baby was born and before our own trials), I was thrilled about the idea of our love lasting 4-e-v-e-r. Like many people experience though, when you live with someone in such close quarters as in a marriage, you are up against the ultimate battle to remain at peace. This peace needs to transcend personality flaws and mistakes and disappointments. Is this possible?
For the Christian there are so many things to rally for. A vast multitude of causes need championing, and God is for us. So, who can be against us?

SATAN

I personally think that marriages are up against 3 major issues: 1)never really getting to know the person you vowed to love forever and waking up one day to a stranger 2)extreme trauma and or crisis 3)unresolved disappointment and unmet expectations

I hope to write more extensively about each of these in the weeks and months to follow. It's impossible for me to write a short blog post; if anyone is still reading to this point you're a treasure!
For now, I have to continually return (like Hosea) to the Lord and to the FACT that God unified me with my husband for HIS glory. Marriages can become such a mess, at times, that trying to sift through to the beauty can be like digging for a diamond in ashes--rubble-ruins instead of splendor. Cynicism is truly the tool of the lazy thinker. And, many wives that I talk to scoff and laugh in the face of a Proverbs 31 woman, one daring enough to put on an apron and cook her husband a gorgeous meal after he's returned from work (week after week after week). Of course there are many kinds of wives, not all apron-wearing ones who cook. The point I'm making is that it's ridiculously too easy to find acceptance among those women who believe their husbands incompetent, unsexy, unruly, and lazy life does not DESERVE a passionate partner.
Like the book of Hosea speaks of, I want to return. I want to remember that God is love, and that if there is not love, there is nothing. God has given me one lifetime, one salvation, one husband. One is precious. How can I evoke such loveliness in me and in my heart, towards my husband, as to please THE ONE?

PS: Weeds

In response to my latest post, I must say that I am strangely disappointed by myself. There I was, contributing to my newest project [my blog] and admitting some very real fears. The point being: Praise God for his unending love...He never tires in his pursuit to help us grow. And, grow I must.

A Christian faith plagued by fear is not SOLID. And, if I am standing on the Rock that is Christ, I can't possibly be shaking. It is true what the Word says, "Perfect love casts out fears--there is no fear in love." There is no fear because you can hope in what you've grown to trust. So, that is what I need to grow................

more trust

Nothing can exemplify this idea more clearly than gardening and landscaping. And, I had my very first taste of this experience today. We purchased our home (from the Lord essentially) last fall. Sure, we mowed the lawn and took care of taking out the garbage, etc. But, it wasn't until this spring when all the incredible perennials rose up unexpectedly that I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew, so to speak! WOW! The landscaping the previous owners left us with is daunting, and terribly beautiful, and daunting again! We finally dead-headed the perennials and cut down the tall grasses (Two seasons too late). What we were left with: questions.

I have told my husband again and again that I would DO something about the flower beds if only I knew what to weed out!

Herein lies the most amazing analogy for everything I am feeling RIGHT now in my walk with the Lord. I do get frustrated with my apparent weaknesses. I feel as though admitting my own fleshly feelings will diminish my witness. Will it diminish the appealing nature of Christ? And, so I vacillate.

So...my sister in law came to visit today. And, wow, is she a worker! She dug right in, literally, and helped me with the landscaping. We moved some plants, planted some raspberry plants, pulled weeds. It was ridiculously tiring, extremely therapeutic, and enlightening. Who knew! One aspect of the whole experience was richly revealing. My sins are truly like the weeds! Oh, they are so embedded into the very fabric of the soil. They blend in as to almost be imitating the plants around them, at times hiding, or sometimes even standing so loftily above the rest. My heart has been aching for those that I know who are struggling, and also, even for the personal pains I'm experiencing. In my own life [the only one to which I am accountable] when I am the angriest, assuming it is the Almighty, what I really am fixated on are the W.E.E.D.S!!!

I need reminders *do this in remembrance of me* and pulling each weed was a little message from God:

I love you

I loved you so much I put one plan into action for you

I am Good

I am Emmanuel "God with us"

I will never leave you, forsake you, refuse to forgive you

I made you (and made you like me)

I am not slow in answering my promises

There is no such thing as unanswered prayers

I am healer, forgiver, counselor

I will not lead you into temptation

I will always give you a way out

I never grow weak or weary

I am healer

Miracles, signs, wonders are still as real today as they were in the Old Testament

I never change

I AM returning

I have a place for you

Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you

Salvation is Here (available, real, necessary, eternal)

I am not, nor will I be the last, to make the analogy of gardening to God. It is unoriginal. The clarity though is unmatchable; it brings such great vision to my growth in God. Forgive me if you were affected by my doubts. Without careful attention, they sprouted into my spiritual life and crowded out the beauty God intended to grow in me. Satan is merciless. God, in His glory, allows me the simplest of graces and lovingly points out my sins and gives me the strength to rid my life of them though. And, this isn't a childhood Sunday school lesson we're discussing. Sins can be ignored. There is life without God [admittedly, as the Bible points out, some devilishly, deceitfully good lives]. Why would I waste my "life" caring about what God cares about? Well, there is a treasure in each moment, each day, each relationship that can ONLY truly be magnified with a...weeded belief. Let's call it repentant redemption. And, believe me, is it glorious, like the one who IS glory.

Oh JOY, it's time to weed.

The Bait or the Blessing...

Tonight is a difficult night. I wanted to blog and update our world on our family life. That seemed important, and it is. God sees us, enthroned above the circle of the earth be that He is, he sees us--AND cares for us. HE is GOOD. Simple. Enough said.

But, then there is the fear inside crushing me like a cowardly lion. As the darker times draw near, I know I'll have to pick one side of the battle or the other. That probably sounds overly spiritual, like some complete and utter science fiction movie. The Bible is clear. And, I choose to believe it. One day every knee WILL bow. And, I want to be on the right side, out of the right kind of Godly fear. Today, tonight, right now, the wrong kind of fear is coursing through me. I am being baited by Satan.

Often times when we experience difficulties, the world watches--and watches closely. They say we foolishly believe to simply give ourselves a false life raft, of sorts. A numbing agent. A salve to soothe our wounds. A feel-good kind of philosophy. Maybe we believe because we have to believe in something or we'll never get through what we're experiencing. Psychologists say if we just believe in something positive, we'll heal faster. They never name names, of course.

Isn't God so amazing? He told us that this would happen! "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Corin. 1:17-19).

The "we" I am referring to: Christ-followers. Even though I have given my life to the Lord, dedicated my whole existence to him, I am plagued by doubts. And, I am agitated by this!! I want to BOLDLY tell friends that everything truly IS going to be okay, that they will get their hearts desires, that nothing bad is going to happen. That is what I want to tell my daughter. What am I really saying? No pain. That is what I am secretly wishing for. A fairy tale. The greatest and very best part of the Gospel though, is that it is NOT a fairy tale. It is real. And, in a real story there is conflict and a very true resolution and redemption. Perfect.

My heart is terribly burdened by pain tonight--not my own--pain for those I know who are suffering. An old friend suffering from leukemia, facebook friends' dealing with struggles with their children, stories of infertility and miscarriage..............................brokenness all around.

THANKFULNESS:

Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Thankfully, in the Lord, it's just faith in our bodies that is existing. The pain is happening in our earthly bodies, in effect, to affect our faith. To God's glory, we cannot escape from pain until we are truly FREE in Heaven. Would it be Heaven on Earth if we experienced that kind of freedom on Earth? No, because Heaven is in Heaven! God beckons us because He loves us (1 John 4:19) and perfect loves casts out fear [of all varieties]. Because, believe it or not, there is a place and there is a God who is making all things new. So, tonight, I can either be baited by the enemy. Or believe. And, belief is surely real because there is a reward. If there are rewards, there is a rewarder: God.

The Reason

Officially my second blog posting of my life! I'm not even sure of the terminology for blogging or really how to "arrange" my page properly. However, I wanted to post to explain myself, as I'll be the main contributor to the page. I was an English major in college, and ever since I can remember (well, not entirely true since my first memory is from Kindergarten doing exercises to Mickey Mouse music), I've been writing for my own personal therapy and enjoyment. Blogging is a writer's dream, really, since I honestly cannot see myself making a career as an author! Even though I have a dream to publish a book that inspires millions of women around the world to reclaim their beauty in the Lord according to His unbelievably desirable standard, not the worlds, motherhood calls (around 7 am every morning usually) and writing takes a backseat.

The title of the blog was actually inspired by my husband. He created an amazing professional PDP (yes, he's a middle school teacher so I basically live with a really tall middle-schooler, the jokester that he is) about summative assessments for students. Thus, the title was born!

Basically, I am writing because I have a lot of undulating thoughts as a stay at home mommy, although I TRULY believe this is the greatest calling on a woman's life, and I need to know there are people out there. Amidst the "mama, mama--up pleazzze" I have ideas!!! I need to connect and reflect and allow the Holy Spirit to make my flesh salient. Every night I need to recharge so that I can wake up ready to face the day and meet the demands of the most adorable, beautiful, charming, and wonderful little lady that I get the privilege to call my daughter (although these days we're often staring at the back of her head as she goes running around like crazy through the house or outside). Am I admitting that I'm starting this blog mainly for myself then? I suppose. But, it really is dichotomous. There is the letting go and the legacy.

I'll post in the future more about family life, marriage, money saving tips, faith, and raising a toddler. For now, good nite!

ONE

As I sit down to write this I can't help but hear the song lyrics coursing through my head, "Number one we've just begun, God should be first in your life" in my husband's wonderfully sweet and silly voice. It's not that we are so important that we ought to have a blog. It's not because it's popular. This is because we have a vision; we share it with the ONE "I am that I am". May that be explained through the way we live our lives, in the months and years to come (or at least until these types of blogs aren't in use anymore). The best part of the whole blogging dream that I (Joy) have, is that finally partaking in this plan is something that has eternal relevance. I want to be like those at Gilgal...commissioned to leave a legacy to their children's children. In my lifetime may my children's children ask what this blog means!

It's extremely late, and I need to get to bed. There's a MOPS carnival early tomorrow morning. Jazlyn is still too young for most of the games and the face painting, but I'm certain she'll love the buzz of activity and the stimulation of being around masses of pint size people just like herself :) The weather will be perfect for an afternoon swim in her new toddler size turtle pool that I bought her today. A fittingly fun gift to ring in the summer time! Jazlyn can at least point to the frog--she has a few in her bathtub--and the giant frog pool in the backyard intrigues her. Her playtime in the pool will, most certainly, be interrupted by her incessant pointing out of trucks, buses, all things that resemble buses, and wanting to go see the dog "Lacey" in the neighbor's yard. I love her! I know my outdoors girl is going to be only that much happier with the warmer weather! We cannot wait for Daddy to get done with school for the year so that he can enjoy the lazy, hazy days with us as well. We love him! The school year is almost over, as well as this first post!

To summarize, my life is a series of saturations of the Holy Spirit. There are the crazy chaotic moments of seemingly CONSTANTLY chasing around my busy baby girl [15 months old], tinged with the ever so serious and somber moments of reflection. Thus, the St. John summation! I do have ONE goal in mind, TBA, at the appropriate time. As for now, I'm stepping out in strength through God, my Father, and setting up this blog. And so it begins...

God Bless you!