PS: Weeds

In response to my latest post, I must say that I am strangely disappointed by myself. There I was, contributing to my newest project [my blog] and admitting some very real fears. The point being: Praise God for his unending love...He never tires in his pursuit to help us grow. And, grow I must.

A Christian faith plagued by fear is not SOLID. And, if I am standing on the Rock that is Christ, I can't possibly be shaking. It is true what the Word says, "Perfect love casts out fears--there is no fear in love." There is no fear because you can hope in what you've grown to trust. So, that is what I need to grow................

more trust

Nothing can exemplify this idea more clearly than gardening and landscaping. And, I had my very first taste of this experience today. We purchased our home (from the Lord essentially) last fall. Sure, we mowed the lawn and took care of taking out the garbage, etc. But, it wasn't until this spring when all the incredible perennials rose up unexpectedly that I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew, so to speak! WOW! The landscaping the previous owners left us with is daunting, and terribly beautiful, and daunting again! We finally dead-headed the perennials and cut down the tall grasses (Two seasons too late). What we were left with: questions.

I have told my husband again and again that I would DO something about the flower beds if only I knew what to weed out!

Herein lies the most amazing analogy for everything I am feeling RIGHT now in my walk with the Lord. I do get frustrated with my apparent weaknesses. I feel as though admitting my own fleshly feelings will diminish my witness. Will it diminish the appealing nature of Christ? And, so I vacillate.

So...my sister in law came to visit today. And, wow, is she a worker! She dug right in, literally, and helped me with the landscaping. We moved some plants, planted some raspberry plants, pulled weeds. It was ridiculously tiring, extremely therapeutic, and enlightening. Who knew! One aspect of the whole experience was richly revealing. My sins are truly like the weeds! Oh, they are so embedded into the very fabric of the soil. They blend in as to almost be imitating the plants around them, at times hiding, or sometimes even standing so loftily above the rest. My heart has been aching for those that I know who are struggling, and also, even for the personal pains I'm experiencing. In my own life [the only one to which I am accountable] when I am the angriest, assuming it is the Almighty, what I really am fixated on are the W.E.E.D.S!!!

I need reminders *do this in remembrance of me* and pulling each weed was a little message from God:

I love you

I loved you so much I put one plan into action for you

I am Good

I am Emmanuel "God with us"

I will never leave you, forsake you, refuse to forgive you

I made you (and made you like me)

I am not slow in answering my promises

There is no such thing as unanswered prayers

I am healer, forgiver, counselor

I will not lead you into temptation

I will always give you a way out

I never grow weak or weary

I am healer

Miracles, signs, wonders are still as real today as they were in the Old Testament

I never change

I AM returning

I have a place for you

Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you

Salvation is Here (available, real, necessary, eternal)

I am not, nor will I be the last, to make the analogy of gardening to God. It is unoriginal. The clarity though is unmatchable; it brings such great vision to my growth in God. Forgive me if you were affected by my doubts. Without careful attention, they sprouted into my spiritual life and crowded out the beauty God intended to grow in me. Satan is merciless. God, in His glory, allows me the simplest of graces and lovingly points out my sins and gives me the strength to rid my life of them though. And, this isn't a childhood Sunday school lesson we're discussing. Sins can be ignored. There is life without God [admittedly, as the Bible points out, some devilishly, deceitfully good lives]. Why would I waste my "life" caring about what God cares about? Well, there is a treasure in each moment, each day, each relationship that can ONLY truly be magnified with a...weeded belief. Let's call it repentant redemption. And, believe me, is it glorious, like the one who IS glory.

Oh JOY, it's time to weed.

The Bait or the Blessing...

Tonight is a difficult night. I wanted to blog and update our world on our family life. That seemed important, and it is. God sees us, enthroned above the circle of the earth be that He is, he sees us--AND cares for us. HE is GOOD. Simple. Enough said.

But, then there is the fear inside crushing me like a cowardly lion. As the darker times draw near, I know I'll have to pick one side of the battle or the other. That probably sounds overly spiritual, like some complete and utter science fiction movie. The Bible is clear. And, I choose to believe it. One day every knee WILL bow. And, I want to be on the right side, out of the right kind of Godly fear. Today, tonight, right now, the wrong kind of fear is coursing through me. I am being baited by Satan.

Often times when we experience difficulties, the world watches--and watches closely. They say we foolishly believe to simply give ourselves a false life raft, of sorts. A numbing agent. A salve to soothe our wounds. A feel-good kind of philosophy. Maybe we believe because we have to believe in something or we'll never get through what we're experiencing. Psychologists say if we just believe in something positive, we'll heal faster. They never name names, of course.

Isn't God so amazing? He told us that this would happen! "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" (1 Corin. 1:17-19).

The "we" I am referring to: Christ-followers. Even though I have given my life to the Lord, dedicated my whole existence to him, I am plagued by doubts. And, I am agitated by this!! I want to BOLDLY tell friends that everything truly IS going to be okay, that they will get their hearts desires, that nothing bad is going to happen. That is what I want to tell my daughter. What am I really saying? No pain. That is what I am secretly wishing for. A fairy tale. The greatest and very best part of the Gospel though, is that it is NOT a fairy tale. It is real. And, in a real story there is conflict and a very true resolution and redemption. Perfect.

My heart is terribly burdened by pain tonight--not my own--pain for those I know who are suffering. An old friend suffering from leukemia, facebook friends' dealing with struggles with their children, stories of infertility and miscarriage..............................brokenness all around.

THANKFULNESS:

Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Thankfully, in the Lord, it's just faith in our bodies that is existing. The pain is happening in our earthly bodies, in effect, to affect our faith. To God's glory, we cannot escape from pain until we are truly FREE in Heaven. Would it be Heaven on Earth if we experienced that kind of freedom on Earth? No, because Heaven is in Heaven! God beckons us because He loves us (1 John 4:19) and perfect loves casts out fear [of all varieties]. Because, believe it or not, there is a place and there is a God who is making all things new. So, tonight, I can either be baited by the enemy. Or believe. And, belief is surely real because there is a reward. If there are rewards, there is a rewarder: God.

The Reason

Officially my second blog posting of my life! I'm not even sure of the terminology for blogging or really how to "arrange" my page properly. However, I wanted to post to explain myself, as I'll be the main contributor to the page. I was an English major in college, and ever since I can remember (well, not entirely true since my first memory is from Kindergarten doing exercises to Mickey Mouse music), I've been writing for my own personal therapy and enjoyment. Blogging is a writer's dream, really, since I honestly cannot see myself making a career as an author! Even though I have a dream to publish a book that inspires millions of women around the world to reclaim their beauty in the Lord according to His unbelievably desirable standard, not the worlds, motherhood calls (around 7 am every morning usually) and writing takes a backseat.

The title of the blog was actually inspired by my husband. He created an amazing professional PDP (yes, he's a middle school teacher so I basically live with a really tall middle-schooler, the jokester that he is) about summative assessments for students. Thus, the title was born!

Basically, I am writing because I have a lot of undulating thoughts as a stay at home mommy, although I TRULY believe this is the greatest calling on a woman's life, and I need to know there are people out there. Amidst the "mama, mama--up pleazzze" I have ideas!!! I need to connect and reflect and allow the Holy Spirit to make my flesh salient. Every night I need to recharge so that I can wake up ready to face the day and meet the demands of the most adorable, beautiful, charming, and wonderful little lady that I get the privilege to call my daughter (although these days we're often staring at the back of her head as she goes running around like crazy through the house or outside). Am I admitting that I'm starting this blog mainly for myself then? I suppose. But, it really is dichotomous. There is the letting go and the legacy.

I'll post in the future more about family life, marriage, money saving tips, faith, and raising a toddler. For now, good nite!

ONE

As I sit down to write this I can't help but hear the song lyrics coursing through my head, "Number one we've just begun, God should be first in your life" in my husband's wonderfully sweet and silly voice. It's not that we are so important that we ought to have a blog. It's not because it's popular. This is because we have a vision; we share it with the ONE "I am that I am". May that be explained through the way we live our lives, in the months and years to come (or at least until these types of blogs aren't in use anymore). The best part of the whole blogging dream that I (Joy) have, is that finally partaking in this plan is something that has eternal relevance. I want to be like those at Gilgal...commissioned to leave a legacy to their children's children. In my lifetime may my children's children ask what this blog means!

It's extremely late, and I need to get to bed. There's a MOPS carnival early tomorrow morning. Jazlyn is still too young for most of the games and the face painting, but I'm certain she'll love the buzz of activity and the stimulation of being around masses of pint size people just like herself :) The weather will be perfect for an afternoon swim in her new toddler size turtle pool that I bought her today. A fittingly fun gift to ring in the summer time! Jazlyn can at least point to the frog--she has a few in her bathtub--and the giant frog pool in the backyard intrigues her. Her playtime in the pool will, most certainly, be interrupted by her incessant pointing out of trucks, buses, all things that resemble buses, and wanting to go see the dog "Lacey" in the neighbor's yard. I love her! I know my outdoors girl is going to be only that much happier with the warmer weather! We cannot wait for Daddy to get done with school for the year so that he can enjoy the lazy, hazy days with us as well. We love him! The school year is almost over, as well as this first post!

To summarize, my life is a series of saturations of the Holy Spirit. There are the crazy chaotic moments of seemingly CONSTANTLY chasing around my busy baby girl [15 months old], tinged with the ever so serious and somber moments of reflection. Thus, the St. John summation! I do have ONE goal in mind, TBA, at the appropriate time. As for now, I'm stepping out in strength through God, my Father, and setting up this blog. And so it begins...

God Bless you!